British scientists have reportedly grown the world’s first ever booking agent’s heart in a petri dish at a top secret location in the English countryside.
Booking agents, the only people in the world born without hearts, are said to be completely indifferent to the news, due to their inability to show emotion towards anything other than “their 20%”.
According to reports, the heart is currently “about the same size as a three bedroom semi-detached house” and weighs the same as “a small rubbish dump”.
“It’s early days but we’re confident that we’ll be able to transplant hearts into all booking agents within the next fifty years,” claimed one scientist.
“Booking agents actually have a small cabbage where their heart should be so once we’ve figured out a way of making our heart small enough to replace the cabbage, we’ll start with the transplants.”
“We’re not actually sure if having a heart will have any effect on how booking agents operate,” continued the scientist.
“But we’re pretty sure that it definitely won’t make them any worse.”
Reports suggest that once scientists have successfully grown a booking agent’s heart, they will try to grow balls for men who have to ask their girlfriends for permission to go to Ibiza with the lads.