Potatoes have spoken out in defence of session culture by claiming they have been “getting mashed for years” without feeling any detrimental effects.
According to Maris Piper, King of the Potatoes, getting mashed is “part of their culture” and “nothing to be ashamed of”.
“It appears that some people seem to think that getting mashed is a bad thing,” claimed Maris Piper, no relation to popular English potato Billie Piper.
“For some potatoes, it is their destiny to get mashed just like it is for some humans, it’s just another part of the natural process of life.”
One sesh head who probably would have gone out and got mashed this weekend anyway, regardless of what the spud said, told us, “I’m definitely going out and getting mashed this weekend after hearing that.”
“I always thought you shouldn’t take advice from potatoes but then Donald Trump and Boris Johnson came along, they’re spuds and politicians so you have to listen to them.”
“I was worried that getting mashed would turn me into a vegetable,” continued the sesh head. “But spuds are vegetables so, if you think about, getting mashed is probably one of your five a day.”
As well as getting mashed, Spuds also claim to have been getting regularly baked and that, to find true peace of mind, humans need to embrace their inner spud.