In a Wunderground exclusive, approximately one hundred percent of drug users questioned in a recent survey were exposed as criminals.
The results have sent shockwaves through the drugs community as millions of recreational drug users come to the conclusion that they too are petty criminals.
“I always thought I was sound as fuck,” claimed Stephen from Manchester, England. “I work all week, pay my taxes, I’m nice to everyone and I’ve never been in a fight in my entire life but I do enjoy sniffing a variety of powders, popping pills and smoking anything and everything that burns in a pipe. I had no idea that made me a criminal but I guess I am. What the fuck have I done with my life?”
Annie, a thirty-two-year-old healthcare worker from Dublin, Ireland, also spoke to Wunderground. “I’ve been taking care of premature babies for the last twenty years of my life. It’s a pretty tough job and it can be quite stressful. I smoke weed every single night of the week, it really helps me unwind. I’ve never considered myself a criminal before so this is really shocking. I’m going to have to go and ask my doctor for some kind of prescription to help me stay on the right side of the law.”
Non-drug takers are also taking this opportunity to have their say about drug taking criminals in the community.
Barry, a paedophile from Glasgow, Scotland, has never touched a drug in his life, “See all of those drug users? I’d put them all on an island and then I’d bomb the fuck out of it. They’re a disgrace. They give actual criminals like me a bad name. I mean, just because I’m on the sex offenders list, people automatically think I do drugs. I don’t want to be associated with that filth.”
If you suspect any of your friends or family are drug taking scumbags, ask them for some and lighten the fuck up you boring prick.