A shot girl working in the West End strip in Ibiza was admitted to the care of mental health professionals today after it emerged that she has become unable to have a flirty conversation that doesn’t end in her selling overpriced drinks at the end of it.
24-year-old Jessica Abbot, who was hired on the basis of her good looks, hands that can pour drinks and ability to flirt with drunk men, has been working on the strip for two weeks, during which time every conversation she has had with men has resulted in them buying drinks – a habit which is now so ingrained in her that she has forgotten how to have a normal flirt.
“I thought this job was great at first,” admitted an upset Jessica, “all I had to do was get chatty to some lads, welcome them into the club and then, after some gentle flirting during which I subtly suggested an attraction to whomever I was speaking, I’d get them to buy a shot of watered down Jaegar for a tenner.”
“But over the last few nights when I’ve been genuinely out on the town with friends in my free time I’ve been finishing every flirty interlude with an offer to buy a shot,” she added. “I didn’t even realise I was doing it, and the worst part is, they often did actually buy a shot from behind the bar.”
“I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that I now only flirt to try and sell shots or that I’ve been missing out on sales,” she added. “I might just bring the shot glasses and bottle with me all the time.”
Jessica is now reportedly undergoing a bout of psychotherapy designed to remind her that not every interaction with another human being is an attempt to sell them booze.
“I think it’s starting to work,” she explained. “Just this morning I was able to talk to a therapist for a good five minutes and was able to mask my disappointment that he didn’t buy a shot after the third time of asking.”
“That’s progress,” she concluded. “Now, would you like to buy some shots?”
