A young shuffler has been hospitalised today after breaking his jaw on the outstretched fist of a waiting man.
29-year-old shuffler, Bryan “With A Y” Young, reportedly suffered the broken jaw when dancing moronically to music that he believes is deep house but is actually just garage-tinged house with a thick beat.
Witnesses claim that Bryan, pictured here getting exactly what he deserves, was the only person on the dance floor shuffling and that it was suspected he was doing it to show off or to impress a girl.
“It doesn’t really matter what he was doing it for, he looked a prick, he could have been doing it to cure AIDS, cancer and hayfever combined and still be deserving of a fat slap to the skull,” claimed one witness, 67-year-old mother of four, Angela Rice. “The guy thought he was an extra in an MC Hammer video from 1989, and like an extra from an MC Hammer video from 1989, he looked tacky and cringeworthy.”
Angela claimed that Bryan kept bumping into people as he was bopping around the place hoping that everyone thought he was a top dancer and not a cretinous pillock.
“When the guy’s fist connected with Bryan’s face it gave everyone a bit of a lift,” she continued. “I didn’t expect everybody to randomly burst into applause but when they did I knew it was appropriate.”
The man who threw the punch has been identified as 26-year-old hero amongst men, Alex Kimble, who became the envy of just about everyone of the planet when he elected to put his fist into the path of where Bryan was dancing in the hopes that it’d connect with his stupid, shuffling face.
“I acted on instinct,” he explained. “My hand moved before I had even thought about it, I just felt a hard jawbone beneath a hipster beard connect with my clenched fist.”
“I’m no hero,” he added. “I just did what I thought was right so if that makes me some kind of hero then so be it.”
“I actually had to go to hospital myself,” he concluded. “I suffered from a dislocated wrist and a big red welt to my back from where people were shaking my hands, slapping me on the back and buying me drinks, telling me I was the best person in the world and asking me to be godfather to their kids.”
