It has today emerged that Simon Cowell’s upcoming DJ X Factor format is set to mainly feature some twats judging other twats for the enjoyment of twats.
“Much like any of Cowell’s former X-Factor style talent shows we’ll be aiming squarely at generating interest among the twat demographic,” confirmed one of Cowell’s spokespeople, himself a twat. “X-Factor typically engages with young twats who think they can sing and their parents, twats whose conception of classic rock includes Elton John and anyone without talent who needs an outlet for showing off and crying on camera.”
“We’re basically just doing exactly the same thing, but with DJing,” he revealed indicating that the show won’t be aimed at proper credible DJs but rather misguided young EDM fans using a cracked copy of Traktor who mistakenly believe that the DJ Mag Top 100 actually matters and also twats without talent who need an outlet for showing off and crying on camera.
The source says that he expects that once the show airs twats in the media and at home will be able to make a big massive deal about the twats on the show over a variety of platforms while having debates about who deserves to be in the bottom two and expressing shock at Simon’s contrived sense of drama.
“The audition process has already begun for the contestants and so far we’ve recruited a 12 year old who DJs in memory of her parents who died buying her her first set of decks, a twat with stupid hair and cocky attitude that women will like and who will probably win and an ageing ugly twat who will surprise everyone with his talent in spite of his utterly disgusting and unmarketable appearance that will ultimately see him kicked off the show to pursue a career as a tragic musical oddity like Susan Boyle or Rik Waller.”
It’s not known which twats will make up the judging panel yet but the source hinted that it will include Simon, some old washed up DJ who was never really that good to begin with, a gay Irish man and a roster of famous EDM stars who will be contractually obliged to appear on the show and promote whatever twatting song they’re releasing at the time.