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Slow Release Ecstasy Tabs Secretly Waiting Until You’re In A Job Interview Before Coming Up

Slow Release Ecstasy Tabs Secretly Waiting Until You’re In A Job Interview Before Coming Up

Police across the UK and Ireland have issued a stark warning today about a batch of slow release ecstasy tablets which they say only take effect three days after consumption while you’ve an important job interview.

The tablets, said to contain a very slow burning form of MDMA have so far caused numerous instances of users “coming up like a rocket” during important meetings and job interviews.

“Anyone who has taken the tablets has thought, ‘oh I’m not really feeling anything off this before redosing,'” explained the police statement. “Eventually the rave will end, the person will go home annoyed that the pills were duds, have an angry wank and go to sleep, unfortunately thought the hard shell of the ecstasy and the slow efficacy of the drug means the pill is still waiting to take effect and will only burst out suddenly whenever you’ve to do something important.”

“These pills probably won’t kill you, they’ll just embarrass you slightly and will really scupper your chances of getting that job in Natwest,” warned a police spokesperson who said that the typical symptoms of someone under the influence of time outs is sweaty handedness, nervous eye contact and the fear brought on by the sudden realisation that you’re off your nut on pills during an important job interview.

It is believed there is a release clause inserted into the ecstasy, chunky blue tablets in the shape of a laughing clock face and called Time Outs by dealers, which is only triggered whenever it detects the sound of awkward introductions being made, nervous shuffling and an exaggerated summary of employment history.

“You could be sitting at home, minding your own business when a friend might ask you to list your hobbies and interests then bang, you’re coming up hard on potent yokes,” explained the spokesperson who says that the pills might also take effect in other fraught situations where you wouldn’t want to be high – like a dinner in your grannies, a high speed shootout or the funeral of a parent.

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“We believe these pills have been manufactured and distributed either by a couple of pranksters hoping to place pill users in awkward situations while off their tits or by an anti-drug lobby, hoping to discredit ecstasy use by making people freak out and piss themselves during high pressure job interviews,” continued a police statement.

“We recommend that people avoid these pills altogether or ensure they act quicker by overdubbing Underworld’s Born Slippy with a tape recording of you talking about the various responsibilities you had from that summer you worked in McDonalds.”

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