Reports from America have suggested that MDMA, the popular EDM drug and active compound in ecstasy, molly and Ricardo Villalobos, may be responsible for a sharp drop in the number of high profile school shootings.
The study claims that EDM’s ecstasy fuelled embrace of peace and love as values may be responsible for a shift in thinking among teens away from the vitriol and angst that dominated previously popular genres like emo, nu-metal and rock-rap.
“Over the last two years, since the EDM explosion (figurative), and the popularising of MDMA in that scene, we’ve seen a drop in the number of high school students who are willing to squirt hot lead into their classmates and own heads,” explained high school shooting expert Dr. Randall Flagg. “We believe that this is a direct result of the use of MDMA and how kids who listen to EDM are shifting away from the angsty genres of Goth and Emo towards EDM with its, mildly embarrassing, motto of peace, love, unity and respect.”
The study claims that students are now more interested in fucking each other on strobe lit floors while wearing neon candy and chewing their own jaws off on street drugs than dressing in black, recording manifestos and collecting assault rifles.
“We’re not discounting the possibility of high school shootings completely among EDM fans – people who like Skrillex are probably still being bullied and marginalised sufficiently to warrant picking up a gun,” he added. “It’s just good to know that our problems with these kinds of shootings isn’t a result of our dangerous and destructive relationship with guns – but rather our dangerous and destructive relationship with Limp Bizkit, Marilyn Manson and Korn.”
The research claims that the number of high school shootings has been dropping generally since EDM began to become popular in the United States in 2010 and that over the last year the number taking place has been way below average.
“It’s been just over a month since the last noteworthy school shooting and before that there wasn’t one for ages and we think we can thank EDM and MDMA for that,” claimed Dr. Flagg. “If you look at countries where that music and drugs have been popular you’ll notice one fact – no high school shootings. Isn’t that amazing? If it’s not because they take pills and listen to repetitive music then what is it?”
“The facts speak for themselves,” he added. “We need to abandon our gun control measures and start really trying to address the problem by making the kids listen to candy pop EDM so that they don’t kill each other, with guns.”
Not all commentators were keen to give MDMA the credit for preventing shootings with some suggesting that children are equally likely to die horribly as a result of listening to EDM.
“I think that kids are still probably dying in equal numbers from taking the drugs, listening to dance music and having the gay sex that comes with it,” claimed one commentator. “So you’ve got to think how you’d prefer your child to die with a penis in hand on the floor of a squat? Or surrounded by friends and family who are also being mown down by a random shooter?”
“I know which I’d prefer,” he added before claiming that guns are patriotic whereas techno is just “gay and European”.
Dr. Flagg has insisted that the results are just in the exploratory phase but urged people to find correlations between what music a group listens to and their propensity to commit violence against each other rather than the availability of tools to carry out that violence.
