Results from a recent study have revealed that self-obsessed girls are the most likely people to do balloons at festivals.
Conducted by the International Balloon Federation, the official study was designed to look at the appeal of Nitrous Oxide amongst festival goers, with results showing the narcissistic brigade were more interested in how cool they think they look by doing balloons, rather than the actual affect it has on them.
“These girls think the world is looking at them with envious eyes when they photograph themselves doing balloons” said International Balloon Federation founder David Lingard. “Our balloon sellers made over forty eight million pounds in 2015, with self-obsessed girls responsible for over ninety per cent of that revenue. The common protocol for these girls would be to ensure every member in the group does their balloon at the same time, whilst having a reluctant stranger take photographs, with said photograph uploaded to Instagram straight away and then constantly checked for likes over the next three hours. They may as well just walk around with a big sign saying ‘LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME I NEED ATTENTION’.”
We asked self-proclaimed house music addict and balloon lover Jess Harris for her opinion “Yeah balloons are brilliant, but there’s no point doing them unless everyone can see you doing them” Jess told us. “Putting out SnapChat stories of me and the girls doing balloons let’s all of our friends know how much fun we are having. We do them in all sorts of crazy positions too; standing up, sitting down, and even laying down on the grass. People must walk past us and think we are absolutely bonkers.”
Further results from the study revealed that professional footballers were second in the balloon taking category, with Manchester City’s Raheem Sterling responsible for over one million pounds worth of purchases alone.
“Everybody at the federation is thankful to Raheem for his investment in our product” confirmed David. “We understand Raheem and other Premier League footballers do not do balloons for narcissistic reasons and in fact shy away from the attention, despite making front page headlines every few months. Should Raheem wish to be the official face of balloons, all he has to do is say the word and we will draft up a contract.”
