A notorious Sydney based serial killer has finally been arrested by the New South Wales Police Force after trying to drink a beer after 1:30 am.
Marty Smith, known in the media as the Cockle Bay Strangler, was detained by Police after he tried to sip a refreshing beer in Sydney’s Central Business District shortly after the last drinks law came into effect.
“I’ve spotted this fella sitting out on some steps with a beer at around 1:34 am,” claimed Officer Joe Sprat. “Obviously I can’t be having that around here at that time, not on my watch, so I went over to forcibly move him along. I could tell, by the way he looked like he was enjoying his beer, that he was going to be trouble. So, in a classic preemptive move, I smacked him over the head with my baton before he got the chance to resist. The I slapped the handcuffs on him and bunged him into the back of my van. Rough is the only way to deal with these booze hounds.”
“I brought him back to the station for a bit of an interrogation,” he continued with a sly wink. “There’s only one way to interrogate a drunk, and that’s by beating the flaming snot out of them, so I went about giving this fella a good pummeling. Then, after little over a half an hour’s face work, he started blurting out something about a serial killer and coming clean. Now, I’m no Sherlock Holmes, but when you’ve got a perp locked up in custody and they start confessing to a murder after nothing but some light torture you know you’re doing your job right.”
According to New south Wales Police Force reports, Mr. Smith confessed to at least twelve murders in the Cockle Bay area, dating as far back as 1998.
“I didn’t even know there was a bleedin’ serial killer on the loose,” admitted Officer Sprat, “and I still managed to catch the cunt. I must be a really good cop. So I decided I’d take myself off to one of the police friendly boozers for an after hours gargle to celebrate.”
Sources within Sydney have confirmed that Mr Smith’s fortuitous arrest is, so far, the only positive to come out of the city’s controversial lock out laws which were introduced in an attempt to crackdown on drug and alcohol fueled violence in March 2014.
