Syrian Promoter Sells Out Boat Party In Record Time

syria boat party satire

A promoter in Syria has come under criticism from the international community after selling out his fiftieth consecutive boat party in record time.

According to reports, the promoter in question isn’t even a Syrian national but has taken advantage of the current climate in the country to cash in with badly organised boat parties.

“The guy is a typical scumbag promoter,” explained Ali Alfassi, a twenty one year old Syrian now based in Greece. “I bought a ticket to one of this guy’s boat parties in 2015 and it was an absolute disaster. Not only was he charging way too much for the tickets but he had completely oversold the party, it was like being in DC10, only instead of having to queue for hours to get into the toilet people were just shitting on pissing on the dance floor.”

“That’s not where it stops either,” continued the highly critical Syrian. “There was a complete lack of security or safety measures on the boat, I’ve never been to hell, although I did once go to watch a football match in Israel, but I’d imagine that it’s probably a bit like the boat party I went to, as soon as I got on I just wanted to get off. The problem with a boat party is that you’re on it until it docks, or it sinks. Thankfully the one I was on docked but I honestly don’t think the promoter would have cared if it sank.”

“People wonder why Syrians keep buying tickets for theses boat parties,” claimed Alfassi. “The truth is; we’re not buying them because we want to get on a dangerous boat, with no safety, no sound system, no drinks, a fifty-fifty chance of survival and the prospect of ending up on a beach in some country we don’t know and aren’t wanted in. It’s just that we don’t really have many options in Syria, all of our clubs have been destroyed and we’re just desperate to have a bit of joy in our lives.”

According to reports, nine out of ten Syrians who bought tickets to boat parties claim that they did not enjoy themselves but would probably do it again if they had to, similar to the experience most people have at a Steve Aoki gig.

If you wish to help fix the Syrian crisis, please donate here

To Top

Send this to friend