Police were called to an East London coffee shop in the early hours of the morning following an argument which broke out amongst a group of men in their late thirties.
The fracas occurred after a man referred to Berlin as the “home of techno”, leading to a furious reaction from his Detroit-loving friend.
“There were six of these incredibly skinny, pale white men wearing black t-shirts all drinking warm-milk and skinny latte’s when it kicked off” said an eye-witness. “They were clearly on their way home from a club as they were discussing the DJ’s set list. One of them was a true geek who kept referring to his journal where he had noted down every song he’d heard. They were the weirdest bunch of dudes ever and it only got worse when the handbags came out. All I heard was Detroit this, Berlin that, and bang – one man leaned over across the table and poked the other in the eye.”
Wunderground managed to speak to Timothy Grant, a thirty nine year old computer programmer and the man responsible for throwing the poke “I was on a night out with a few of the guys I had met in a Leftfield fan forum when it all went a bit south” said Timothy. “We had been to see Sven Vath play and whilst he performed very well, I suggested he owed a lot of his success to the Belleville Three and Jeff Mills. One of the guys on the night out of whom I have never been particularly fond of since he posted a bunch of nonsense about Kraftwerk, suggested Sven owed more to Berlin, describing it as the home of techno.
“He waffled on about what Berlin was like in the nineties and how it paved the way for all of today’s current DJ’s. I pointed out that Detroit was in fact where techno originated and held more of a significant history, but he wouldn’t accept it. I snapped. I put down my hot water with a dash of lemon and poked that son of a bitch right in his eyeball.
“He is such ill-informed moron I simply had no alternative. His absurd views on the analogue vs digital argument usually irritates me; but to criticise Detroit? No sir. Not on my watch.”
Having been called to the scene, police officer Peter Whittle gave us his view on the incident “In my twenty five years working for the Met, I have never seen anything like this” said Peter. “Around these parts we usually see groups of blokes drunk out of their heads and coked up, looking for brothels and causing trouble, but this lot were totally different. What seemed to be a polite discussion amongst friends ended in one a brutal eye poke. It is weird as neither man has ever been to Berlin or Detroit so their argument seems incredibly pointless. I can however confirm that Timothy will have to pay twenty five pounds compensation to the victim of the poke.”
