Ten Walls Removes American Beauty From Favourite Movie List
Lithuania’s highest-profile homophobe, Ten Walls, has reportedly removed American Beauty from his favourite movie list.
Ten Walls, real name Marijus Adomaitis, took the evasive action after the movie’s lead star, Kevin Spacey, bizarrely decided to out himself as gay following allegations of sexually inappropriate behaviour.
“The whole thing just seems incredibly weird to me,” claimed one surprised onlooker. “First of all, why would Kevin Spacey think that coming out as gay would be in anyway a defence for what he is accused of? And, secondly, who the fuck didn’t already know that Kevin Spacey was gay? The only worst kept secret in Hollywood is Harvey Weinstein’s casting couch.”
According to unconfirmed reports, Ten Walls has secretly moved the movie from his favourite movies list to his pink list, which consists of anything he considers to be “a bit gay”.
Russian music commentator Igor Rumanov claims that Ten Walls’s pink list is a “well-known entity” in Russia and is often seen as a “sort of moral guide” for young men growing up in the Eastern European nation.
“Not many outside things are as well received in Russia as Ten Walls’s pink list,” he told us. “But when it comes to straightening out our young men, we’re a very open country. In a word as confusing as the one we live in today, where there is practically no difference between gay and straight apart from the mental constructs of bigoted minds, it can be hard to decide what is and what isn’t a little bit gay.”
“Now, thanks to Ten Walls and his pink list, we no longer have to decide these things for ourselves,” continued Rumanov. “So if you’re a Russian boy and you’re wondering if it is safe to watch American Beauty, listen to Right Said Fred or play Candy Crush Mountain, all you have to do is read the list to get an answer.”
In related news, Harvey Weinstein is believed to be on the comeback trail after agreeing to produce a remake of the Usual Suspects, starring Kevin Spacey and Dustin Hoffman.