There is a new genre galloping onto the horizon. If you live in an inner city and do not frequent many country fairs it may have passed you by but deep equestrian is slowly trotting into the public consciousness. Most UK music genres emerge from London boroughs where as deep equestrian originates from deepest, darkest Kent.
What is Deep Equestrian?
It all began when a farmer with too much time on his hands got tired of wanking to episodes of Black Beauty and began experimenting to design a form of entertainment for his favourite companion, his horse. Pretty soon it spiraled into a countryside phenomenon. It’s been referred to some as biological techno or deep horse and is expected to spawn similar spin off genres using other animals.
But really, what is it??
“It is a simple galloping 4/4 beat with the sounds of my horses mixed in,” so says founder Danbridge Punting-Mollenoux. “I stumbled across the biggest niche genre since Beatport invented the very concept of genres themselves.”
“At first I was only interested in creating customised headphones so that my horse wouldn’t feel alone on long rides but after creating the first prototype headsets and playing him some Blawan he became scared and I thought ‘why not download Garage Band and make some music the horses would really enjoy.’”
Danbridge then recorded the sound of his horse in different moods, like running or hungry, and found that the horse reacted to the emotion when the sound was played back.
“I knew then that I had single handedly created the first type of music that wasn’t made specifically for humans – deep equestrian.”
Deep equestrian’s big break came at the annual Countrytastic Fair in Worcestershire in early spring. Seeing his chance to show off the genre he made Danbridge set up a stall with a PA and began to blast deep equestrian sounds out to the unsuspecting equines – what happened next he couldn’t believe.
“Horses from far and wide began flocking to my stand, they started to gallop, and then even trot in time with the music, just like my own horse does.”
“It may seem like a pointless endeavour because the fan feedback you receive is minimal, however there are about 3.5 million horses in the UK alone so it’s quite a huge market,” explained Danbridge. “Horses and farmers alike have been going crazy for it and the orders are coming in for the bespoke headphones, I can hardly keep up.”
“I have more money than sense and more time than both. I can’t wait to be a millionaire all over again, but I do it for the love of dancing animals really.”
He has already been approached by Beats Audio to mass produce the headphones on a global scale with prototype names such as ‘Hay Beats’ and ‘Neigh Beats’.
“Pretty soon every horse in the world will be listening to deep equestrian.”
Loop masters have been busy compiling a deep equestrian sample pack which should be available soon, although Danbridge claims that they are capitalizing on his invention, “I don’t understand people that use sample packs, why not make the sounds yourself? Just buy a horse and a bit of land! It’s not that difficult!”
Estimates suggest that you would be paying thousands of pounds for the authentic deep equestrian sound but some high profile early adopters such as Richie Hawtin have bought their own horses in order to perfect the sounds of the new genre.
Already at country fairs we’re beginning to see ketamine riddled horse raves in blacked out tents, with farmers behind the decks blasting their latest creations and it‘s spreading. People passing around sugar cubes laced with acid for the horses. The horse riders laughing to themselves because they truly are the most jockey of disc jockeys, while spinning out on mind bending substances such as caviar and bucks fizz.
