Clubbing

Theresa May Planning Downing Street After Party For Fabric Reopening

British Prime Minister Theresa May has announced that she is to host an after party in 10 Downing Street after the reopening of Fabric on 6 December.

May, considered by nobody as Britain’s first lady of rave, has invited a number of MPs to join her in Downing Street after Fabric’s eagerly awaited reopening on 6 January.

“I’ve invited a small group of MPs to join me for an after party in Downing Street after Fabric’s reopening party early next year,” confirmed May during a chat with Wunderground earlier. “Mostly Tories but we’ll probably let a few Labour representatives come back too, only because they’re quite generous with their drugs.”

“I’m going to rent a PA system and my friend, Tim Westwood, has agreed to come and play a few tunes for us, it’s really shaping up to be a spiffing night,” claimed May. “I just hope that dopey cunt Boris Johnson doesn’t show up, I’ve heard him and Farage are planning on going halves on a really big bag of kezza for New Year’s, the last thing I want is the two of them showing up on the tail end of a week long ket binge. They’ll be harder to get rid of than Syrian asylum seekers.”

May highlighted a short conversation with Margaret Thatcher in the early 90s as playing a major role in the organisation of this after party.

“Maggie was a huge influence on my political career,” explained May. “I’ll always remember one thing she told me very clearly, it was nothing to do with politics, treating the general public with disdain or the size of Gerry Adams’s cock, she said ‘if you’re ever having an after party in Number Ten make sure to leave booze there before hand because there’s fuck all places around there to get it at six o’clock in the morning’ so I’ve told everyone to drop a few tins around before we go to Fabric, just to save any potential hassle.”

According to The Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, May’s after party will be an ideal opportunity to “knock out a few Garys” and “stick a few much need quid in the coffers after the Chrimbo”.

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