Electronic music veteran Giorgio Moroder has expressed his delight at beating 2016 and revealed that he spent the last four months of the year locked in a panic room to make sure he was safe from accidents.
2016, known as a cunt of a year, claimed the lives of some of music most influential pioneers causing many of the industries senior members to go into hiding.
“Thank fuck that pox of a year is over with,” claimed Moroder shortly after coming out of hiding. “I’ve been living in a giant panic room under Paul McCartney’s stairs for the last sixteen weeks. We’re no spring chickens so we decided that the only way for us to remain safe was to go to ground.”
“It wasn’t all bad, I was with Paul, Elton John and Mick Jagger so we made the most of it and worked on some really cool music while we were in there. Keith Richards was supposed to join us too but he was too busy juggling knives in oncoming traffic to make it,” continued Moroder. “Things got a little ropey around the end of November when someone told David Guetta where we were and he attempted to get in with us.”
“We tried explaining to him that he’s not a legend and was in no danger but his paranoia got the better of him and eventually, out of pity, we let him,” explained Moroder. “After about twenty minutes he started trying to play us some of his music and, out of genuine fear of being bored to death, we were left with no choice but to call the police and have him removed from the premises.”
“I’ve heard he’s hiding out in an old World War II bunker in London now but, to be honest with you, I don’t care what he does, on account of him being a massive bell end.”
Wunderground sources can reveal that t-shirts bearing the slogan “I Beat 2016” are set to be a bestseller among the music industry’s senior citizens next year.