One of the most common and blatant lies in the history of humanity has taken place again today, with a man promising his wife that the beer he was drinking would be his last one.
It is said that thirty five year old Carl Greely, from Manchester, England, was beginning to look a bit “worse for wear” as he guzzled down bottle after bottle of Peroni, which was being served at the free-bar at a friend’s wedding, when wife Karen made a point of telling him to “slow down or else”.
“Kaz told me to come off the beers for a while so I don’t get too drunk and spoil the day,” laughed Carl. “I told her she had nothing to worry about as it would be my last one. I can tell you now; it definitely wasn’t my last one. It was only about four o clock when she pulled me up. As if I was going to have that. I was there to have a good time, especially when somebody else was paying the bill. I told her I would go onto orange juice for a little while, which I did. Except it was orange juice topped up with loads of Grey Goose.”
Wunderground spoke with Karen to find out what she thought of Carl’s behaviour, “I knew he was lying when he told me it was his last beer,” she moaned. “He said that about the previous drink, and the one before that. He’s got to learn that he can’t handle his booze and always ends up looking like a right toss-pot. I don’t mean to be a ball breaker but he’s like a child. He drinks and drinks and drinks until he blacks out and throws up. I’m always left picking up the pieces and it does my bloody head in.”
“Fuck her,” screamed Carl after hearing his wife’s comments. “She may be my wife and we may have children together, but she can’t tell me what to drink. I’m a grown man and make my own decisions. I don’t care if I’m covered in sick and ruin the ceremony, if she tells me to stop drinking it only makes me more determined to drink more. Now give me another beer.”
