British high street travel agents, Thomas Cook, have confirmed that they are now selling week tabs of acid for customers interested in taking short trips.
CEO Tom Turner claimed that “mild tabs” would be available in all five hundred and fifty one branches throughout Britain by the end of February.
“We’ve been selling package holidays, hardcore acid, 2c1, 2cb, mescaline and magic mushrooms for people looking to go on more expansive, deep and long lasting trips for years now,” revealed Turner earlier today. “But we’ve never really catered for people looking to take short trips, apart from European city breaks, which, in all honesty, are about as much fun as a shart on a first date.”
“So, as of now, we will be introducing a new range of very mild acid, much like the stuff crusty hippies sell at music festivals, for people who want to take a short trip,” continued Turner, who claims to have taken trips all over the world. “It’s basically beginners’, or children’s, acid so the trip will be very light and very mild.”
Mary, a forty three year old office cleaner from Slough, bought one of the “short trips” earlier today.
Wunderground spoke to her, “I had been thinking of getting away for a couple of days after the Christmas, it’s dead boring around here this time of year so I popped into Thomas Cook on Burnham High Street to see if they had any bargains.”
“I’m a bit particular when it comes to going foreign so it was quite difficult to find somewhere sunny, that I could have egg and chips for my dinner everyday and that was in England at this time of year,” continued Mary, whose life’s ambition is to one day have a purple rinse. “So the lovely girl offered me this tiny little piece of paper and told me it was a ’lovely little trip’ and only £5.”
“So I bought ten of them, I’ve not taken one yet, I’m going to bring them down to the bingo with me later on and give one to all the girls, that should be fun!”
According to witnesses, Slough bingo had to be shut early that night after a gang of “bat shit mental” middle aged women stormed the stage in a confused frenzy while trying and figure out whether the bingo caller was real or not.
