The World Health Organosation has today revealed the shocking news that thousands of pairs of skinny jeans are suffering from neglect and malnourishment.
They blame a spike in the popularity of the gaunt garments in recent years, caused by the rise of hipster culture and the fickle nature of today’s youth, on the oversight of care for casual jeans.
Alan Ghandi of the World Health Organosation recently spoke about the issue, “It’s a classic puppy – Christmas scenario. Kids want a pair of skinny jeans because they think they’re cool but they just don’t realise the responsibility that comes with owning a pair,” explained Mr. Ghandi.
“Then, a couple of months later they decide they don’t like them anymore because they’ve found another fad they want to follow or their thighs have gotten fat and the jeans are put to the back of the closet or under the bed,” continued the concerned spokesman. “Then they’re forgotten about and left to fend for themselves but they don’t have any arms, legs or brains, because they’re jeans, so they can’t,” he added.
“If it was dogs or horses that were being neglected the whole internet would be awash with pictures and people voicing their concern but because they’re made of denim nobody cares,” claimed Mr. Ghandi. “What people need to remember is that jeans have genes too. Let’s not let skinny jeans go the way of flares and disappear into fashion obscurity.”
The World Health Organsiation predicts that by the year 2016 one in every three pairs of skinny jeans, like Marcus pictured above, will be living in poverty, ill-fitting or in a bargain basket in a charity shop. “For just €3 a week you can help stop the hurt, with your money we can have the legs of all future generations surgically removed at birth, ensuring no skinny jeans ever need suffer again.”
