After much deliberation by the organisers, Tomorrowland is to be renamed “Todayland” due to its stale line-up. The statement was made today via Boom’s town-crier, Njord Niemandsvriend.
“We have been reviewing the line-up and have finally made the decision that there are no acts which support the futurist ethos that we set out with,” claimed a spokesperson. “So, with much sadness, we have to accept that most of the acts are popular today, but may not be tomorrow, like twerking or any internet fad ever.”
“As a result of this we have been given no choice but to make a wholesale name change on the entire event until we get a more forwardly relevant line up.”
The news has outraged some fans who refuse to accept that such acts as DJ Snake, Jorn Van Deynhoven and Double-U vs Skinnie may not be riding the crest of the wave of popularity come tomorrow morning. One outraged fan has reportedly kept a glowstick-lit vigil outside de Schorre in Boom since the announcement yesterday and is expected to continue that vigil until the name is changed back or his pills wear off.
The acts themselves are outraged, particularly those who have enjoyed popularity for many years. Carl Cox was reportedly disgusted, with one witness claiming that he made the following statement, “Tomorrowland will be yesterdayland when me and my boys are finished with them. I’m the fucking COX, man. Oh yes, oh yes. The fucking COX. Nobody fucks with the Cox. Cox wasn’t made to fuck around with.”
However, some artists are quite happy with the change, with Benny Benassi claiming it is proof he is still relevant in today’s world and an encouraging reminder that creating music to provide the background for videos of tit shaking proves the age old mantra that sex sells.
We did a quick survey with the artists we could find, and Stockholm Syndrome seem happy with anything the organisers do or have done, David Guetta was unreachable but a pre-recorded message indicated that he was busy pre-recording his set, and Jetlag were too tired to comment.
