High street retailer Topman has put its own modern spin on the advent calendar by releasing a unique version of the traditional piece of “cardboard shit”, titled the ‘Ladvent calendar’.
The Ladvent calendar is believed to target stereotypical “lads”, “cheeky chappies” and “banter kings”, offering alternative gifts to the bog-standard daily chocolate or image of the nativity, such as snapbacks, Nandos, creatine and Louis Vuitton man bags.
“I couldn’t believe my eyes when half a chicken, hot, with piri piri chips and a corn on the cob fell onto my lap,” said Ollie Wells, of London, England. “Since then I’ve had a gram of ket, a sachet of whey protein and some Huaraches out of it. It’s been the absolute bollocks of a December so far. Long may it continue.”
Wunderground caught up with Matthew Hardcastle, the man responsible for the Ladvent calendar, “Boys don’t want chocolate anymore,” he confirmed. “These days all they do is go to the gym, go to raves or play FIFA. We’ve had to move with the times and cater for their needs.”
“By collaborating with the likes of Nike, Nandos, Louis Vuitton, Xbox and other major suppliers, we believe we’ve created the perfect item for all young dickheads in the run up to Christmas,” continued Hardcastle. “This will certainly keep us one step ahead of those wankers at River Island and All Saints, who keep trying to tap into a market we clearly own.”
“I got a bottle of Grey Goose and a sex tape of Michelle Keegan from my first two windows,” said an ecstatic Jonny Tyson, from Manchester. “Whoever came up with this Ladvent calendar idea is some type of God. Every single item has been so on point.”
