Today: December 5, 2025
October 17, 2016
1 min read

Trump Sanctions “War On Drugs Green Zone” For Coke Dealers Within Walking Distance Of White House

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump has vowed to sanction special “war on drugs green zones”, specifically for cocaine dealers, with one set to open within walking distance from The White House.

Speaking at a recent rally, Trump claimed that the war on drugs “might have been a mistake” and that, as a Republican, he felt it was his responsibility to clean up the mess that was started by his fellow party member, Richard Nixon, in the 1970s.

“We definitely need to look at new ways of dealing with the war on drugs,” claimed Trump earlier. “One thing that I’m going to do when I get elected is open green zones all around the country where cocaine dealers will be able to go and sell their coke without being harassed by cops.”

“There are a lot of rich white people in America who take cocaine,” confirmed Mr Trump. “It’s not fair that they have to go into horrible working class neighbourhoods to buy cocaine, we’re essentially making these rich people criminals by sending them to buy drugs from criminals when all they’re guilty of is having a healthy disposable income.”

“By setting up these green zones we’ll stop the criminalisation of rich white people, reducing crime numbers and freeing up time for our police to chase all of the real criminals, who aren’t white,” continued the presidential candidate. “Which, in my humble opinion, will help make this country great again.”

According to political sources, only drug dealers who are white, live in up and coming residential areas, “don’t look like drug dealers” and own a number of other legitimate businesses will be given access to the green zones.

Previous Story

Eden Considered “Teacher’s Pet” By Other Ibiza Clubs After Not Getting Raided By Police

Next Story

Lad With Rolled Up Shirt Sleeves Desperate For People To Ask About His Tattoos

Latest from Blog

DJ kink adds air fryer to studio setup

Kink Adds Airfryer To Live Setup

Much-loved Bulgarian House & Techno act, Kink, has this weekend added a Bosch Air Fryer to his live setup. “I fucking love it!” said KINK. “You can literally do anything with this