Serious problems occurred at We Are FSTVL last month after ninety nine per cent of people in attendance turned up in some form of camouflage attire causing mass confusion for everybody involved in running the event.
Festival organisers revealed they almost cancelled the second day due to complaints from some DJ’s that the tents were empty. Security concerns were also raised by on-site police as they couldn’t see if people were doing anything illegal due to how well they blended into the grassy fields.
“I don’t know what to believe” said Richie Hawtin. “For my whole two hour set I could only see one guy in a black t-shirt at the front. The promoters assured me the tent was full, but I am a highly intelligent guy and don’t like being lied to. I find it hard to believe that fifty thousand people would all turn up in camouflage clothing.”
Solomun, who played back to back with Hot Since 82, real name Daley Padley, shared a similar view, “I am glad we played back to back because it doubled the amount of people in our tent,” announced an angry Solomun. “For a short while I thought I could see a few bodiless heads floating around, but I assume that must have been the extra strong acid taking effect as Daley pointed out there was nobody there but us. Yet for some reason, these organisers are claiming it was a sell-out.”
Wunderground managed to speak with the promoters regarding this confusing incident, “For the first three hours of the day we didn’t think anybody was coming, until we started noticing litter appearing in the fields” revealed Johnny Millen.
“It was only then we realised Top Shop, ASOS and River Island are all pushing the camouflage look in their summer collections, and we just needed to concentrate a bit harder to see people having a good time. Apparently the British Military are looking into a contract with these retail outlets as they could utilise such effective disguise in combat.”
