There was both public outcry and dismay earlier today as it was sensationally revealed that UK hip-hop crew, and all round dance music mavericks, Foreign Beggars were deported, in what the Home Office are calling “a bit of a Brexit”.
Wunderground caught up with Mark Thomson, Director General for HM Passport Office and part-time dry roasted peanut replica, to investigate just how such a huge error could come to pass, “Well in all honesty I think my team, under the circumstances, did the right thing. The Foreign Beggars have been coming over here, taking our gigs and festival slots for years and frankly we’ve had enough,” explained Thompson whilst pushing a battalion of replica Panzer tanks over a scale model of Whitehall.
“We’re actually really glad this troubling issue was brought to our attention to be quite honest as it appears the Beggars, who our sources say are regular Asylum Speakers, are only one of many troublesome groups to slip our widespread network of ill-informed snitches, party reps and voters.” Mr Thomson went on.
“Only last week there was panic on the streets of London when it was discovered a yet-to be developed luxury apartment block in Farringdon was harbouring more potential national security threats, who were operating under the obviously fake aliases of Richy Ahmed and Julio Bashmore.”
“I mean really? Like fuck a man called Julio is going to be a pale faced, ginger bloke from a picturesque agricultural corner of Britain is he? No. He’s obviously just coming over here to price all of our homegrown cleaners and potwashers out of jobs at Pizza Express.”
“And don’t even get me started on ‘Mr Ahmed’. At least one of my constituents claims they definitely heard him say he was going to drop some bombs later in the evening and, besides, if anyone is opening a corner shop in Farringdon it’s going to be British citizens first.”
