Real Life

Unemployed Stoner Celebrating 6 Letter Word On Countdown With Bag Of Crisps

An unemployed stoner is today celebrating after getting his first ever six letter word on the popular daytime TV show Countdown.

Twenty-three-year-old Anthony James claims he only started to watch Countdown in 2013 but now feels that he truly understands the complexities of the highly competitive word game.

“To be honest with you, the only reason I started watching Countdown was because Rachel Reilly is a good for a sneaky afternoon wank but after watching it religiously every day for three or four years you really start to get into it,” Mr James told us earlier. “After about a year, when I’d finally figured out what the fuck was going on, I started to play along.”

“I still can’t do the sums at all, they’re way too hard for me, but I’m actually starting to get the hang of the words,” continued the pot head. “At first, I was struggling to get anything over two letter words but as I’ve gotten more into it and started to concentrate a bit more the words started to get bigger and bigger, before I knew it I was up to three, four and even five letter words.”

“I kind of plateaued on five for about a year,” revealed James. “I never thought I’d ever get any better but then today the unthinkable happened, I actually got a six, it still hasn’t really sunk in if I’m telling the truth. The whole experience just feels surreal to me. I’d just had a massive bowl so, at first, the letters were just totally jumbled and making absolutely no sense but then, as if by magic, they just started to jump out at me.”

“First I noticed the ‘S’, then the ‘M’ after that it was the ‘O’ and the ‘K’, then I saw the ‘E’ and I thought that was it, another five letter word,” explained James. “But, just before the end of the countdown, I noticed a ‘D’ and it dawned on me that I could stick that on the end to make ‘SMOKED’, a six letter word. How good is that?”

“I celebrated with another really big bowl so I didn’t get any more words for the rest of the show but I don’t care, I got a six and no one can ever take that away from me.”

According to sources close to Mr James, he has now given up all hopes of gaining employment and has decided to dedicate his life to getting himself onto Countdown, he is believed to think that another twenty-five years worth of training should be enough to get him up to speed.

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