The London Metropolitan Police have confirmed they only shut down an underground rave on the Tube because they believe “drum and bass is shite”.
A statement released today claims the Met Police have absolutely no problem with underground raves taking place on the London Underground but they will not stand for “outdated nonsense” such as drum and bass or dubstep.
Constable Alan Stevenson spoke to Wunderground earlier, “To be honest with you, we were really excited when we got a call telling us there was a rave taking place on the Tube,” he told us. “Me and a few of the lads thought it would be an excellent opportunity to use up some of the drugs we’ve confiscated over the last few weeks and decided to get ourselves down there quick smart for a bit of fun.”
“It was such a fucking let down when we boarded the train only to discover the DJ was playing poxy drum and bass,” he continued. “Don’t get me wrong, I loved a bit of drum and bass back in the day, I often used to go and get proper weird at raves I was supposed to be working at, but it’s not 1998 anymore, there’s a time and a place for everything and I’m afraid a public place like a train just isn’t it for drum and bass these days.”
“We had no option but to shut it down,” explained Stevenson. “You could tell that, apart from a couple of dreadlocked white guys wearing oversized fake platinum chains and baggy tracksuits, no one on the train was enjoying the music. Most of the people just looked uncomfortable and annoyed, that’s not what a rave should be like, it was more like a Calvin Harris show if you ask me.”
“Me and the squad were well up for a bit of a session so after we shut it down, we went into an unused tunnel, stuck on a bit of techno and sniffed wobble for about five hours.”
In related news, there have been further disruptions on the Bakerloo line today after a French baker took the name of the line a little too literally and took a shit in the middle of the aisle.