It has been revealed that the Palladium Hotel Group, owners of Ushuaïa hotel, are looking to purchase London nightclub, Fabric, and turn it into an under eighteens EDM venue.
Ushuaïa, which has recently bought out Ibiza super club, Space, and confirmed it will be replacing all respectable house and techno events with “a load of EDM shit”, has announced plans to do the same thing throughout the UK with any venue they can get their greedy little hands on.
“We are over the moon and can’t wait to begin forcing garage on our young punters,” said Ushuaïa investor, Pedro Hernandez. “Never in a million years did we think we would own Space and have a chance to force such atrocities on so many people. To be on the brink of buying Fabric too? Well, that is just the stuff wet dreams are made of.”
Wunderground asked Pedro what plans they have for Fabric, and where else these takeovers might happen, “We aim to start in London and expand throughout the UK,” he explained. “We are going to invest in some very robust equipment for our DJ’s to be able to stand on while performing. We have already ordered seventy confetti cannons for the main room; but the real selling point will be free glow-sticks for the boys and morning-after-pills for the girls that visit our club.
“We want these kids to have a fantastic time. The boys going home covered in raspberry cheesecake, and the girls going home covered in the spunk of a horny-pubescent lad, as that is what EDM is all about.”
It is believed once the purchase of Fabric is complete; Ushuaia will look to take over London’s Ministry of Sound, Manchester’s Warehouse Project Store Street premises, Birmingham’s Rainbow Venues and Glasgow’s Sub Club. They have, however, flat out rejected investing in anything from Wales.
