A study published today by the Stanford University Psychology Department has concluded that everybody has at one point or another in their lives engaged in a detailed fantasy in which they repeatedly punch mouse head wearing EDM star Deadmau5 in the face.
The study, purportedly begun to investigate the innermost desires of the drug-impacted brains of EDM fans, found that the most commonly held fantasy was punching the divisive Canadian star, real name Joel Zimmerman.
“I’m actually a big fan of Deadmau5 and think he’s a top producer so I was surprised by the result,” explained study participant Jamie Small. “Some of the things he says are right on and I’d agree with him but I guess subconsciously I still want to hit him in the face.”
Most participants reportedly felt similar feelings to Jamie claiming that they felt that Deadmau5, while obnoxious and outspoken, was still not a bad guy and probably wasn’t deserving of punches to the face.
“We think something about Deadmau5 taps into the Jungian idea of a collective consciousness and makes us all fantasise about punching him,” claimed study leader Jessica Waltham. “Personally I think the guy is a petulant fool and often split up my busy work day with minutes long fantasies of hurting him in his face and groin area.”
“There’s a sort of punchability to him that people share in much the same way most right thinking people fight an urge to punch George Bush, Piers Morgan or Walter from The Beano,” added Jessica.
“My fantasy involved punching him while he was on-stage wearing the mouse head,” claimed fellow participant Jacob Wright. “I punch and punch until eventually the mousehead cracks and underneath instead of Deadmau5’s face it’s my own and I’m crying but laughing at the same time.”
“When I wake up from the fantasy my penis is often firmly engorged,” he added.
Other fantasies that the study uncovered that are shared “almost universally” amongst dance music fans include marrying Nina Kraviz (for both males and females), meeting Aphex Twin and having a monster week long bender with Sven Vath and Ricardo Villalobos.
Reports from Deadmau5 camp indicate that even he has fantasised about punching himself in his own face and has done so numerous times when angry with a track and indicated that the mouse head started out as “a convenient way to hide the bruises” that he had administered to himself.
The report concludes by assuring people that having an urge to punch Deadmau5 is a perfectly natural and normal inclination but one that people should refrain from doing so in much the same way they resist the urge to rob banks, shout the words “big fat smelly penis” on public transport or have sex with someone against their will.
