Web developers behind such sites as “StayOuttaMySpace” and “DisPinterest” are set to launch a new venture which is billed as the world’s first “antisocial network”.
“Once a user signs up for the site, they will automatically have befriended everyone else on the network, and the aim is to slowly defriend everyone as time passes,” explained creator and CEO of Antisocial Networks Limited, Marq Suckerborg. “The site will only contain a “dislike” button, a thumbs down, and negative emoticons in an effort to make it as antisocial as possible.”
Press reports released by Suckerborg indicate that there will even be a special section dedicated solely to internet trolling where people can start arguments anonymously – this feature is to be launched with an advertising campaign using The Red Hot Chilli Peppers “Under the Bridge” featuring Anthony Kiedis rapping lines from the children’s fairytale Rumpelstiltskin.
“The site will only allow selfies as profile pics, these being the most antisocial of all picture types,” continued Marq. “Cover photos will only be allowed to be seen by the user if they show the other person having a better time than you.”
“The “about” section will only have a space for political and religious views, and perhaps in time, what football team you follow,” he added.
The site has been tested in Northern Ireland where Catholic and Protestant bigots alike have been matched for some time, and it is said to be a great success, with random knee-cappings up a whopping fifteen percent, general annoyance up one hundred and forty percent and moral indignation at an all time high.
“The aim is to sow division and cause stress by linking people who really shouldn’t share their opinions with each other in the hope that we can create a community of people who don’t want to talk to each other and in fact end up extremely annoyed at each other for even something as simple as expressing their opinions,” continued Marq.
“The aim is such that by the end, the user will have unfriended everyone in their circle and their timeline will be filled with just their own opinions so that they are constantly in a state of agreement with themselves, like some masturbatory self-congratulatory orgy of self-fulfilment,” he continued excitedly. “Everyone wants to hear themselves uninterrupted. We don’t see a way for this to fail.”
Suckerborg also sees an advantage for companies who wish to use the site for monetary gain. “Targeted advertising will be even more effective on the site as there will only be one person’s opinion on the timeline, so companies will know exactly what to pitch at the user.”
The launch will be accompanied by an app which will let you know how close someone is to you who has a dissenting opinion, and will automatically link you with them, much like Grindr or Tinder. However, unlike those apps, the software will automatically select and send you their most infuriating opinion so that you can cut out all the bullshit and get straight to disliking them.
StayOuttaMyFaceBook will debut late this year and internet misanthropes everywhere have welcomed the move.
