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May 15, 2017
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World’s Population Reaches 9 Billion DJs

The world’s population has reportedly just reached nine billion DJs following the birth of six hundred thousand DJ’s last week.

According to reports, all of the major DJing brands are struggling to make enough equipment for all of the world’s DJs and fear a major drought could be imminent.

“Pioneer, Denon, Native Instruments, Technics, they’re all at full capacity and struggling to keep up with their orders,” explained DJ Barry Holmes. “If the rate of DJs on the planet keeps growing at this rate there’ll almost certainly be an equipment drought, even as it is parents aren’t sure where they’ll get their children’s equipment from already.”

“Apparently, there are kids out there who have to walk for three or four hours a day just to have a shot of some CDJs and I know of at least one village in the UK that only has one controller between everyone, to make it worse, it’s only got two channels and a couple of the pot’s are missing. Can you imagine what things are going to be like in fifteen or twenty years time when there are even more DJs? It just doesn’t bare thinking about.”

“Sometimes I feel like I don’t even want to be a DJ anymore,” continued Holmes. “I mean, what’s the point when everyone else is a DJ too? It just seems a bit pointless when you can’t even consider yourself better than other people because, as DJs, we’re all totally awesome. Sometimes I think about quitting it all but that’s not an option, it’s not something you can just stop, you’re born into it.”

Records suggest that there is currently only one man on the entire planet who isn’t classified as a DJ, his name is Steve Aoki.

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