“X-Worx Jeans Still Funky Fresh,” Claims Man Trapped in the 90’s
A young man from Croydon in London has made startling claims today that X-Worx Jeans and Eclipse Jackets are still worth rocking, due to them being “Funky Fresh”. The statements were made today via Fax Machine and were sent directly to the Wunderground Offices in an effort to have us bring his plight to the attention of the world.
Accompanying the fax was a very badly reproduced image in Greyscale, which shows the man wearing the aforementioned attire, while standing with his arms folded in a manner resembling an 80’s rapper. The image also seems to show a Mercedes badge hung around his neck and a snapback cap which is rather too large for his head. Some photo analysts claim to be able to see a mushroom haircut emerging from beneath the cap, but this has yet to be confirmed.
The man, who is named “Zach Ingolds”, became trapped in the 90’s through a loophole in the laws of physics, which he has since fought to have repealed by various scientific institutions. However, scientists who have been working on the case have decided to dedicate their attention to more important things, such as curing the common cold and trying to figure out why Simon Cowell is so fucking greedy.
Zach himself has made the statement that should he not be able to return from the 90’s, at the very least he hopes that he can make X-Worx and Eclipse popular again.
However, top analysts in the world of fashion, dedicated to telling people that what they want to wear is not acceptable and forcing them to feel shame for personal choices which do not affect the analysts in the least, have claimed that X-Worx are not due for a revival until they say so. This has caused a stir amongst 90’s purists, who are fighting to bring back Air Jordans, to reinstate Bill Clinton as supreme dictator and to have Milli Vanilli return to the top of the charts.
“People will soon realise that X-Worx are still Da Bomb,” said Zac today. “Shit so kool and funky fresh never goes out of style.”