A young drug user under the influence of popular psychedelic drug, LSD, has reportedly shocked the established press when while under the influence of the drug he experienced absolutely no temptation or mistaken belief that he can fly.
“It’s shocking, it really is,” explained young office worker Harold Dicks. “Every reported use of LSD in the media has involved the young and successful first time drug user mistakenly believing that they can fly or perform other impossible feats leading to their, inevitably promising, young lives being tragically cut short. But, weirdly, that didn’t happen to me, or any of my friends.”
“I took the acid and had a great time, at one point I thought I felt like I was a bit of an orange,” continued Harold, “but I immediately realised that I was a human being before I could apocryphally start to peel myself.”
“I was as surprised as news outlets must be,” continued Harold. “I mean, to think that I took the acid and had a safe and enjoyable experience is quite shocking really. I could have at least cut myself or had a panic attack.”
Harold says he feels slightly betrayed that “everything [he’s] been led to believe about acid” is an urban legend that has been purposely disseminated to scare teenagers before saying that it appears to him now, having taken the drug, that “it’s actually just more of nice feeling which, while not as good as flying, is still something I’d definitely recommend”.
“I’m a bit disappointed, I really wanted to try and fly, maybe even incur a massive injury, so I can end up in the right wing press and be famous,” concluded Harold. “But all that happened was that I saw some beautiful colours, laughed with my friends and felt a profound oneness with the universe. It was a bit disappointing after having read all the stories of how I’d fly or think I was god and stuff.”
