Here at Wunderground HQ, we’re getting super excited about Snowboxx Festival. In fact, we’re so hyped up for the festival, which takes place between 17 and 24 March 2018 in Avoriaz, France, that we’ve already started to pack our bags. So far, we’ve got a bag full of inflatable sheep, plastic cutlery and woolly underpants, so that’s all the basics covered anyway.
That got us thinking, it’s easy to know what you NEED TO pack for one of these occasions but what nobody ever tells you what you definitely shouldn’t pack. Until now that is, we’ve decided to take the plunge and tell you all the meaningless shit that no one else will. So, without further ado, here’s Wunderground’s guide to what not to bring to a snow festival…
Obviously, you won’t need to bring any snow to a snow festival. There’ll be plenty of it there already and the chances of it making it there on a flight without melting are pretty slim anyway. So, unless you want soggy hand luggage, leave the snow at home.
If you’re a person who likes to keep Bonsai Trees, you’re probably terrified of leaving them at home unattended. Your first instinct is probably to take it with you, but don’t, the climate at a snow festival will kill it instantly and you’ll be left carrying rotten twigs for the entire festival.
Football Stickers From The 90s
While these might be extremely precious to you, nobody at a snow festival will care about them at all. There’s a time and a place to whip out your Lee Sharpe swapsie and your Blackburn Rovers shiny but, unfortunately, festivals are not it.
Let’s face it, you probably think your homebrew tastes like it was pissed by an angel but everyone else thinks it tastes like regular human piss. Plus, again, unless you bottle it in tiny 100ml bottles, you’ll never get it through customs.
Other People’s Hair
If you are one of the world’s many hair collectors, you might be considering bringing some of your collection in the hope of meeting a like-minded person, they could be your soulmate, right? Actually, wrong, collecting hair is weird and creepy and no one wants to hang out with weird creeps. Go hang out with the Bonsai Tree guy.
Carolina Reaper Peppers
These things are pretty much the devil’s nobbly testicles. If you’ve never experienced them, count yourself lucky. They’re bad going in and even worse coming out. They’re so hot that just thinking about them is probably enough to melt all of the snow and ruin the festival for everyone. You won’t need these at Snowboxx.
Your Grandfather’s Ashes
We think it’s sweet that you want to share this experience with a loved one who is no longer with us, honestly, we do, but it’s just not practical. Ernes are 99% more likely to get spilt at altitude and nobody wants to spill their grandad at a festival.
Kevin Spacey Box Set
First impressions are very important in this day and age and you’ll definitely have a better time at a festival if you make a good impression on people when you first meet them. So, opening a conversation with “do you want to come to my chalet and watch American Beauty” probably isn’t the best bet at the moment.
Tadpoles are great, they start off as slimy little bubbles and eventually become fully fledged frogs. That’s no mean feat and we applaud them for that. There’s nothing wrong with being into tadpoles but bringing them to a snow festival is a bad move. They’ll definitely die and you’ll just be a weirdo walking around carrying decomposing flesh.
Your 8-Year-Old Sister
We’re sure she’s lovely and probably a bit of a laugh but festivals are no place for children. Unless you’re one of those god-awful parents who insist on bringing their kids along for the ride, save it for the summer hippy.
A Life-Sized Cardboard Cutout Of Bruce Forsyth
This isn’t a dig at Brucie or life-sized cardboard cutouts, they’re both awesome. It’s just a little too soon for us and Brucie, looking at pictures or, worse still, life-sized cardboard cutouts of him is just too painful right now. Maybe next year.
The Company Credit Card
Normally, this is the kind of behaviour we condone on a night out. Company credit cards are pretty much made for buying rounds of shots, Jager bombs, cocktails and any type of drinks you can imagine. However, Snowboxx is a week-long festival. If you whip out the company credit card, you’re going to get sacked. Just leave it at home.
Ok, you don’t have to leave your phone at home, we’re just sick of seeing a sea of phones being held up in the air at every gig we ever go to. Don’t be a bellend and do everyone a favour by keeping it in your pocket for at least some of the shows you go to.
Now that we’ve told you exactly what not to bring, you have absolutely no excuses not to go to Snowboxx Festival, fully equipped with all the right gear, and absolutely none of this shite. For more information and tickets about this week-long snow extravaganza, click here.