A thirty-five-year-old man who was told to “go hard or go home” at a house party, has reportedly made up his mind and ordered an Uber.
James McCarthy, the “old man” in question, claimed his “heart just wasn’t in it” and decided to cut his losses by making a swift exit.
“Partying’s all well and good when you’re up for it,” James told Wunderground earlier. “I’ve been going hard at it for the last fifteen years, but I like to take things at my own pace. At this age, I can’t bring my A-game every time and I don’t take kindly to ultimatums so when I’m told to go hard or go home I’m instantly thinking about eating chicken wings in bed.”
“Getting told how to party by someone half my age is a real turn off for me,” continued the seasoned sessioner. “It’s a bit like your mother telling you how to have sex, she probably knows better than you but you just don’t want to hear it. For me, that’s a telltale sign that it’s time to call it a day and get on the blower and order an Uber.”
“I’m not into competitively sniffing lines of ket, just sniffing them regularly is hard enough, so when I’m told I need to sniff a four-inch line or go home, I see it as an escape route rather than a challenge,” the thirty-five-year-old explained. “I’ll more than likely still sniff the four-inch line when I get home, but at least I’ll be doing it in the comfort of my own home and feel free to get as weird as I like without feeling uncomfortable.”
“I’ve learned from experience,” he told us. “The last time I chose going hard over going home I ended up singing Barbie Girl out some randomer’s back garden, naked, with my cock and balls tucked between my legs, so I’m not too keen on going back there.”
In related news, a different thirty-five-year-old who decided to go hard has reportedly been left embarrassed after completely losing control of her bowels on a work night out, more on this as we get it.