One of the world’s leading sleep experts has revealed that Italian DJ sets could completely replace lullabies by the year 2021.
Ian Smith, of the Colorado Sleep Institute, claims that Italian DJ sets are now considered the second most relaxing sound in the world, currently just behind lullabies, but a shift in popularity has been clearly noticeable in the last number of years.
“We’re currently seeing a pretty seismic shift in the area of sleep inducing music,” explained Smith earlier today. “For decades, lullabies have held the majority share of the market but now they have some real competition, in the shape of Italian DJs and their DJ sets.”
“We’ve had reports of people falling asleep in nightclubs all over the world and, while that might not seem that unusual, there was one thing that linked all of these incidents together, an Italian DJ,” continued Smith. “We knew it couldn’t just be a coincidence so we jumped on the first plane to Europe to check out one of these sets for ourselves.”
“We ended up at a Tale of Us show and it was truly fascinating,” Smith told us enthusiastically. “The entire crowd seemed to be in some sort of pre-sleep trance, everyone swaying slowly side to side, nobody speaking or interacting with each other and showing no sign of being awake, it was the most subdued room full of people I’ve seen since I told my friends I preferred dubstep to trap.”
According to underworld sources, the rights to many of the world’s lullabies are owned by criminal gangs, who are likely to take kindly to the emergence of Italian DJ sets as their rival.
“The lullaby game’s no joke man,” claimed one underworld figure. “There’s a lot of money to be made by sending children to sleep and there’s no way these lullaby gangs are just going to roll over and let Italian DJs move in on their turf. There’s only one way this is going to end and it’s not going to be good.”
While there has yet to be any bloodshed in the struggle for power in the standoff between Italian DJs and criminal gangs, there have been a number of sleep-related accidents which have resulted in serious injury.