In a bizarre study it has emerged that the number one cause of drug taking, rather than being broken homes, curosity or Bez, is in fact drugs.
“Drugs cause 100% of incidents of drug taking in the is country,” warned Head of Science Tony Abbot. “I’m as shocked as you are.”
“So when we’re pointing the finger of blame at a person or institution for why people end up taking drugs we can point it squarely at the very existence of drugs themselves coupled with human curiosity,” he continued. “Drugs and people taking them are rife in the drug taking community for that reason.”
The study weighed up all the social and cultural issues surrounding people who take drugs and claimed that all of these things are superfluous as root causes in the face of the actual drugs themselves.
“Well we found that people who take drugs do it because they’re there and they exist and you can take them,” “It’s a manifestation of the ‘why not gene’ – but even saying that is giving more responsibility to the person rather than the drugs.”
The same study also concluded that the number one factor in alcoholism is the existence of alcohol, and the music of Neil Young, having sex organs and breathing in and out.
“The study reveals that drugs and people taking drugs are just a natural part of life and aren’t really caused by any dysfunction that we can medicate,” concluded Mr. Abbot. “Which is unfortunate because we find that stigmatisation works best for making people buy purported medicines they don’t much need.”
