EDM sensation Martin Garrix is celebrating his latest number one release – an exceptionally massive six minute piss.
Garrix, known for his irrational fear of airplane toilets, is said to have been holding the number one for the majority of a recent trans Atlantic flight before unleashing the six minute gush of piss in a public toilet in Amsterdam’s Schipol Airport.
The Dutch producer spoke of his latest number one, “I love number ones, I love number twos too, but not as much as number ones because number twos leave chocolate stains on my knickers.”
“I always call doing my business my number ones and number twos, it makes me seem really grown up and posh and it sounds way better than saying wee wee and poo poo,” he explained. “Sometimes when my mammy’s not around I say shit and piss but if she catches me saying that she’ll take my Ableton controller so I have to be really careful,” continued the child with the innocence of an EDM producer.
“This number one was really special because I was holding it all the way home from America on the big airplane. I don’t like their toilets, they’re stinky,” he said while pinching his nose. “I had to squeeze the top of my willy to make sure nothing got out, then my willy went all hard like in Daddy’s big boy movies, it was so weird.”
“When I got to Amsterdam I ran all the way to the toilet and done my number ones, it went on forever and I got hardly any of it on my trousers because I’m a big boy now,” he proclaimed while standing up straight to indicate just how big he actually is. “It was my favourite number one yet, even better than Animals.”
Garrix is believed to have celebrated his number one by drawing a pair of tits and writing ‘Aiden Jude is gay’ on the toilet cubical wall in permanent marker.
I can’t believe that this kid goes to the toilet.