A lucky man is in high spirits this morning after inadvertently discovering the answer to all of his problems at the bottom of a bottle of whiskey late last night.
James McNulty (36), a police officer and high functioning alcoholic, made the accidental discovery in a Jameson bottle while tearfully contemplating all of the bad decisions he has made over the course of his life. Mr. McNulty’s find has turned conventional belief on its head with many of the world’s leading thinkers prescribed to the theory that you can not find the answer to your problems at the bottom of a bottle.
McNulty is yet to release any information on his find and early indications seem to suggest that the police officer will remain tightlipped about his discovery, he spoke to Wunderground earlier, “I’m sure there are a lot of people who would like to know exactly what it is I found at the bottom of that bottle, but right now I’m going to keep that to myself.”
“Nobody supported my drinking while I was doing it, they were all like ‘Jimmy you’re killing yourself’ or ‘you wont find answers at the bottom of a bottle Jimmy’. Well guess what? I did,” he said with a smile beaming from his face. “The same people told me not to stick my fingers in electrical sockets or have unprotected sex with prostitutes but I’m still standing and they can all go to hell.”
While McNulty appears to be remaining coy about his discovery a source close to the police officer has suggested that he has actually forgotten what it was that he discovered and that he is planning on drinking another bottle of Jameson every night until he finds it again.
