Dance brand Ministry of Sound have received numerous complaints from customers who have been left ‘disappointed’ and ‘betrayed’ by the label’s vast anthem catalogue which lures people into believing they could provide the soundtrack to a selection of holidays, eras and music genres.
The complaints appear to have exploded in number after Andres, a 72-year-old Ibiza native, made his complaints public following a purchase of the Ministry of Sound Ibiza Annual 2014.
Andres says he was dumbfounded by the selection of tracks and artists, “I have never before heard of this Gorgon City in my country and their music which sounds like my grandchildren’s video games”, adding that he was unable to even hear a single flamenco guitar throughout the whole album.
“Here in Ibiza we do not listen to this rubbish and I wish these Gorgons would go back to their city as they may be ready for my love but I am not ready for theirs.”
Complaints over the misleading titles of the albums have circulated in Britain, Barry from Bolton vented his frustration via Twitter:
“@ministryofsound just bought your Marbella sessions album, and I’ll tell you this for free, I didn’t session to any of those songs in the Red Lion while I were there #refund”
In Manchester a forty two-year-old father of three, sporting a bowl haircut and unwashed parka jacket, was seen burning two volumes of Ministry of Sound 90s Anthems in Piccadilly Square after being frustrated that there wasn’t either any Oasis nor Inspiral Carpets on the track listing.
Ministry of Sound are set to hit back at complaints by providing customers with ‘endorphin increasing pills’ upon entry to their famous London nightclub – the venue’s manager explains the initiative in more detail:
“The idea is to give everyone a dose of these happy pills and allow them to forget exactly how angry they are at our misleading advertising”
Winston Smith, a writer from London, has already sampled the pills and has publicly dropped his complaints against the Ministry.
“I can’t remember why I was so mad at them in the first place” he said, “but I have just purchased their 1984 Anthems and can now safely confirm that there is no music in existence without the great Ministry of Sound stamp of approval.”
