The state of California has today announced that crystal meth is to be downgraded from a schedule II controlled substance and will now be treated as a semi-precious stone.
California state governor Jerry Brown told Wunderground that he believes downgrading crystal meth from a narcotic to a semi-precious stone will do “wonders for the Californian economy” by creating “a mini goldrush only with meth”.
The governor also explained how the change may have a positive affect on the number of drug addicts in the state, “Addicts don’t smoke Amethyst or Topaz so if we make meth a semi precious stone they’d be more likely to make a nice little bracelet out of it or sit it on top of their locker for luck than they would be to smoke it.”
Meth cooks are said to be delighted with the news and see it as an opportunity to regulate the volatile conditions they work in and also increase the commercial value of their product.
Chef, Lil Smoker, spoke to Wunderground earlier, “It’s great news man, I can finally do what I love without having to worry about the 5-O breaking down my door.”
“I got big plans man, I’m gonna take my operation all the way to the top,”continued Lil Smoker. “I’m gonna bury meth all over my back yard and I’m gonna let people come in here and mine that shit, just like they did with gold back in the olden days. Then I’m gonna charge their cracker asses for what they find, three time more than I charge for meth now.”
“I’m gonna be rich motherfucker. Yeeehaaaaaww!!” he shouted enthusiastically.
While there has been widespread support for the plans to downgrade crystal meth from a narcotic to a semi-precious stone, it hasn’t gone down well in all quarters. The Californian Dental Association have announced that they are firmly against the change, indicating that any decrease in meth use could potentially cost them billions of dollars worth of “meth mouth” treatment.
