People all over England are hoping to see Scotland vote yes for independence in Thursday week’s eagerly anticipated referendum.
While the referendum could potentially mean the end of Great Britain and bring about a new era of post empire politics for the United Kingdom, most English people think this is a small price to pay to be able to distance themselves from EDM prick Calvin Harris.
Matt Bleaksdale, a YES campaigner from Birmingham, spoke to Wunderground about his unorthodox political stance, “There are literally thousands of English people out working to ensure Scotland votes yes in next week’s referendum.”
“Some people are doing it because they believe it will mean imminent change to Westminster’s policies but the majority of us are doing it because we’re sick of being associated with Calvin Harris,” continued Mr. Bleaksdale. “We’ll finally be able to say that he’s Scottish and we’re English and not have to put up with the ‘yeah but you’re all British’ jibes we’ve been getting when his name comes up in conversation.”
“If the arse falls out of the country and we’re all destined for destitution than so be it, it’ll all be worth it because we’ll all have lived, even if just for a few days, without an association to Clavin Harris,” explained Mr. Bleaksdale passionately. “A vote for yes means they can take our jobs, they can take our land but they can never take our FREEDOM…” he shouted slinging his head back and his arms into the air. “…from Calvin Harris,” he added.
While English people are said to be delighted at the prospect of losing Harris, they are not believed to be as excited about the idea of losing Scottish tennis player Andy Murray, “It’s a pity we’re losing Andy,” continued Mr. Bleaksdale. “He’s really good at tennis. It’s such a posh wankery sport and for a country with so many posh wankers there’s a real shortage of talent but at least the lad has no likable characteristics, which should help lighten the blow.”
Calvin Harris has said that he’s “not bothered” about whether or not Scotland votes yes for independence because he lives in his own world and “poor people” politics don’t affect him at all.
