Apparat has admitted to the world today that he has been haunted by the notion that he may be a Japanese man born in a German man’s body.
The German production giant was visibly shaken at the press conference today as he recounted the experiences which have lead him to believe that this may be the case.
“It started quite simply,” he said. “I noticed I preferred a simple rice dish to bratwurst.”
At this point his manager put his arm around his client to comfort him, and Apparat continued, “Then I noticed I was quite interested in electronics. I know this is normal for an electronic musician, but it was something more than that for me… I really became obsessed. I would spend hours studying how to unlock phones.”
“I had heard of men being trapped in women’s bodies… Not physically, I mean. And of women being trapped in men’s bodies, and I began to wonder…Was I an Asian man trapped in a German man’s body?”
“I was never really interested in those things that are traditionally German. I had no time for efficiency, beer or world domination. I was always much more interested in Shinto, raw fish and photographing seemingly insignificant things while on holiday.”
“It was finally confirmed for me when I was on holiday in Ibiza one year. All my friends left to put their towels on the sun loungers by the pool, and I sat alone in my room practicing using chopsticks. Then it hit me… I must really be Japanese. On the inside, I mean. So I plan to have an operation to make me fully Japanese in the near future. I will thereafter work under the name of Apparat-San.”
Apparat-San was handed a kimono and some sake by his manager, which he donned and drank in turn. He then bowed, leaving the press conference by Kawasaki.
