American Dance Music is today set to claim independence from its evil taskmaster, EDM, in a move that will see a large number of cheesy European EDM DJs deported with immediate effect.
The move for independence from EDM comes on the 239th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence, which seen thirteen American Colonies declare themselves a new nation, the United States of America, and no longer part of the British Empire.
The news comes as a great relief to fans of real dance music, who feel legitimate genres have been oppressed by EDM in America during recent years.
Michael Burrows, a house music fan from Chicago, spoke to Wunderground about today’s news, “It feels so good to finally be rid of EDM and all of those godawful EDM DJs, I can once again be proud to be a part of the dance music scene here in America.”
“Real fans like me have been getting tarred with the same brush as all of those little EDM twerps for too long now,” continued Mr. Burrows. “All of you Europeans have been looking down your big ugly noses at us thinking we’re all just clueless EDM morons, well that stops today.”
“The truth of the matter is, if it wasn’t for Holland, Sweden and Germany there wouldn’t even be an EDM scene over here,” claimed Burrows. “It just happens that our fifteen to twenty one year olds are a lot stupider than yours and they gladly suck up all the shit your sub-standard producer ship across the Atlantic. Well not anymore, you can have them all back, now all we have to do is round up all of our own shitty EDM producers and lock them up or execute them or something. What a great day!”
According to reports, David Guetta, Martin Garrix, Calvin Harris and a number of other European EDM producers escaped American shores last night and are now on a slow boat to Ibiza where they will look to claim asylum seeker status for the remainder of the summer.
