Following in the government’s footsteps, English drug dealers have announced that they are set to introduce a 5p baggie levy, with immediate effect.
The decision was made at last weekend’s Annual Drug Dealers Day Out, which took place at Windsor’s Legoland resort on Saturday afternoon.
Speaking about the new baggie levy, drug dealer Baldy Eric from Wycombe, Buckinghamshire, claimed the tax was “not about the money but about saving the environment”.
“I’m a very conscientious drug dealer,” claimed Baldy Eric in an exclusive chat with Wunderground. “Obviously I don’t have much regard for the well being of my clients but I do quite like nature, weather and little fluffy animals and things like that so I’m quite happy to see the levy introduced.”
According to reports, all drugs that are packaged in baggies will be subject to the levy, due to be paid by the consumer rather than the drug dealer.
“I certainly couldn’t afford to be paying 5p for every baggie I sell, regardless of how ever many hundred percent my mark up on the product is,” continued the drug dealer who also works as a part time Phil Mitchell lookalike. “My customers will have to take the hit on that but it’s only 5p so if they don’t have it I’ll only hit them with my fists.”
Unconfirmed rumours from England’s underworld suggest that some dealers may revert to older methods of packaging for their drugs, such as wrapping them in tinfoil, placing them in empty matchboxes and making wraps out of paper, in order to keep their clientele happy.
“I won’t be paying any extra 5ps for my drugs,” claimed Stratford based heroin addict Steve. “It’s hard enough trying to get the money up as it is so they can fuck off if they think I’m going to pay a poxy levy. I couldn’t care less what the drugs are stored in as long as they’re drugs. Give them to me in a bit of tissue, an empty crisps bag or a tramps boxers and I’ll still take them, just don’t ask me for any extra money.”
According to the Drug Dealers Union, all proceeds raised from the baggie levy will go towards “very important shit”, with BMWs, sovereign rings and butterfly knives all believed to be high on their priorities list.
