A new tent which has been designed specifically for festivals and has been hailed a “super tent” will actually suck your dick while you sleep, manufacturers have revealed.
The tent, called the Siesta4, also has a number of key features, including light and heat reflective material and air conditioning, which will help make the time spent in the tent as comfortable as possible for campers.
“The Siesta4 really is the ultimate camping experience,” explained chief designer and nerd Mark Couples, “Not only have we made the tent out of a super reflective fly material, which blocks out sunlight and insulates the tent, and fitted a built in air conditioning unit in each one we’ve also added the fellatio feature, to our top line model, which will actually wake you up to the soothing sensation of a blow job.”
According to Mr. Couples, the fellatio feature will free up “an awful lot” of much needed time for men during camping trips and festivals.
“Everyone knows men spend about eighty percent of their time looking to have their dicks sucked,” continued Couples. “We’re hoping that by designing a tent that sucks your dick for you we can reduce that number to seventy six or even seventy five percent, which will free up lots of time on your trip for hill walking, canoeing, building fires, seeing bands or tripping balls.”
“And if you do happen to find a girl or a guy who’s willing to suck your dick, with their mouth, you can simply flick a switch and the fellatio feature doubles up as an extractor fan that’ll suck the smell of sex, farts or crystal meth smoke straight out of your tent,” added Couples. “This really is the world’s most complete tent.”
Unconfirmed reports indicate that Couples and his team of designers are currently developing a female version of the tent, the Siesta4ess, which will have a number of unique features including self erection, alcohol transportation and clit stimulation.
