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October 18, 2017
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Ryanair Advising Customers To “Just Give Us Your Money And Die”

Ryanair has responded to criticism for canceling numerous flights by asking customers to simply “give us your money and die”.

According to Ryanair CEO Michael O’Leary, running an airline would be easy if it wasn’t for all of the passengers and he would prefer if they would just give him their money without hassling him.

“What the fuck is wrong with people?” O’Leary asked during an interview with Wunderground earlier. “It’s the twenty-first century, people can’t seriously expect to get everything they pay for. It’s like they’ve never heard of the finders keepers system. I find their money in my account and fuck them. I’ve been operating like that for years now.”

“My main aim is to get a monthly direct debit from all of my customers’ bank accounts regardless of whether the fly with Ryanair or not,” continued O’Leary, who was recently likened to a breathing version of shit on a stick. “If they died and kept paying that would be even better but they’re probably too fucking selfish for that.”

Frequent flyer Andrew Jones claims to be outraged by O’Leary’s comments and thinks he will “think twice” before booking flights with the budget airline again.

“Did he really say that?” asked Jones earlier. “What a prick, like yeah, the flights are cheap and they usually run without any incident but that’s just rude. I’m defo not going to book any more flights with Ryanair until I make plans to go away again. What a fucking joke!”

If you have been affected by any flight cancellations with Ryanair, what the fuck did you expect you cheap bastard?

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