The latest reports from America indicate that the South African DJ Black Coffee has been mobbed in a New York branch of Dunkin’ Donuts.
The incident, which happened shortly after midday yesterday, was described by onlookers as both “shocking” and “delicious”.
One witness spoke to Wunderground, “I was just hanging back, licking the custard out of a Boston Cream like it was my baby momma’s booty, when all of this commotion started to kick off by the counter.”
“Some homeboy was getting serious attention by the coffee machine, I don’t know who he was but everyone seemed to want a piece of him,” continued the witness. “I couldn’t tell if they were in love with him or wanted to kill him, they just kept smooshing doughnuts into his head, but not in a rough way, in a kinda lovely way.”
“There was something about standing there watching that man getting attacked with donuts that really made me want more coffee and donuts so once the crowd had dispersed a little I got some more, they were the best goddamn donuts I’ve ever tasted.”
Annie Williams, a member of the crowd that mobbed the DJ, claimed she doesn’t know what came over her, “I honestly can’t say what happened, I saw the guy and something in me just clicked, I knew he wasn’t a cup of coffee but for some reason I just had to dunk my donut on him.”
“I’ve never done anything like that before,” claimed Annie. “I probably wouldn’t have done it only everyone else started to do it too, so I just said ‘fuck it’ and went in for a dip, it felt so natural.
I hope the guys OK, last thing I saw he was being treated for chocolate icing to the eye.”
So far, Black Coffee has yet to comment on the incident, with sources close to the DJ confirming that he will make a full recovery but may never eat a donut again.
