Self described “former” EDM fan, Cynthia Barker, has claimed that after attending popular underground dance music festival, Movement Detroit, she feels that she finally “understands dance music.”
Cynthia initially had misgivings about attending the festival which she felt “didn’t seem anything like the typical EDM festivals that [she’d] attended in the past.”
“I was a bit reticent about attending as none of the lineup had featured in the DJ Mag Top 100, which I thought was weird. How can you have an event that purports to be dance music and yet not have any of the world’s most well marketed DJs?”
“I checked out the photos and videos from the event online and totally didn’t think it’d be my thing,” she continued. “If this was an EDM event, then where were all the teenagers in eye jarring porn-star outfits sucking dummies?”
“At that point I was really thinking there must have been some mistake,” she added. “I thought that Movement should be ashamed of calling themselves a dance music event when there was not one person in the audience wearing luminous body paint or kandi bracelets.”
Despite Movement not being an EDM event as Cynthia understood it, she decided to attend anyway in the hopes that some DJ’s she recognised from the Tomorrowland would be added to the lineup.
“When I finally got there I thought the music wasn’t skull rattling enough,” she continued. “And there wasn’t many big effects laden build ups and sharp drops. It was so weird. The people weren’t screaming their lungs out like petrified teenagers.”
“There also weren’t many teenagers there and all the guys had left their shirts on,” explained Cynthia. “It was so fucked up. It was kind of reserved but with a casual, enjoying yourself and the music kind of vibe.”
“At that point the music just grabbed me,” she enthused, “it was just me and the beat on that packed dancefloor. I could feel the energy from the other people in the room. It was something special, everyone just enjoyed themselves and danced, no-one was hollering or trying to take selfies with the DJ in the background.”
“At no point did I hear a shouted request for Levels to be spun,” she added.
“The DJs were all amazing, they did this thing with records and turntables that I’ve never seen an EDM star do,” Cynthia explained. “It’s called live mixing, it’s sick! They get two tracks, sync the beats up and let them play at the same time. My mind was blown!”
“All of the DJs had these thing called ‘credibility’ and ‘respect.’ It was as if they were playing for the love of the music and working a crowd rather than money or fame.”
Cynthia claims that she’ll more than likely never listen to her former EDM favourites again, claiming that she feels she’s changed “irrevocably” after being exposed to real club music.
“The best analogy I can use to describe it is that, before I went to Movement I was in the EDM womb,” explained Cynthia. “Except it wasn’t a womb but an anus, and in that anus was wall to wall shit. But I didn’t know it was a shit filled anus so I was happy in the anus.”
“Then it was like there was this sudden bloat-relieving fart that shot me blinking out of the anus and into the light,” she continued. “At first I was sad because the anus was comfortable and it was home, but then I took a look around, got washed clean by music, realised I was no longer living in a dark cavity of EDM shit and felt instant joy. That feeling hasn’t left me.”
