Airports Now Using Tour Managers To Sniff Out Drugs

The introduction of tour managers to airports in an effort to sniff out drugs concealed amongst passengers baggage has today caused outrage amongst animal welfare groups, claiming several thousand sniffer dogs risk losing their jobs over the move.

Campaigners say the tour managers, whose noses are seventeen times more powerful than that of their canine counterparts, are breaching the sniffer dogs basic human rights.

Airport bosses at Manchester and Heathrow are trialing the tour managers in an effort to cut running costs at the terminal, claiming that feeding them confiscated cocaine and slops from the airport bar has cut overall airport running costs by 2%.

Jermaine Hudson, a former tour manager with Swedish House Mafia spoke to us earlier; “Sniffing out coke wherever I go has always been my job and in the last few years since the lads split, even more so. I’ve even had to buy some once!”

Shep, a 5-year-old Springer-Spaniel recently let go from duties at Manchester Airport said last night; “Fuck it, if you can’t beat them, join them. I’m off to Ibiza for the season to work with Marco Carola as his tour manager. A sniffer dog in Ibiza. What could go wrong?”