Washed up Dutch trance veteran Armin van Buuren was reportedly overheard telling people that he was Armand Van Helden in a New York restaurant earlier this week.
According to witnesses, van Buuren even resorted to whistling Van Helden’s 1999 hit single You Don’t Even Know Me to convince people of his fake identity.
Pat Mitchell, an eyewitness, spoke to Wunderground earlier, “I was just in the restaurant with my wife having some food and drinks when I thought I spotted van Buuren at a table opposite me,” he explained. “The only reason I’d know him is because I used to like him back in the day when he played proper trance, I wouldn’t listen to any of that nonsense he plays these days.”
“I was trying to figure out whether or not it was him, without staring directly at him, so I decided to take a slow stroll past him on my way to the toilets,” continued Mr Mitchell. “That’s when I heard him tell the guy at the table next to him that he was Armand Van Helden in a comical fake Boston accent. He sounded like something out of an episode of South Park. What an absolute moron.”
“As if that wasn’t bad enough, he started whistling you don’t even know, in the wrong key, and singing the wrong words,” revealed the witness. “The poor guy he was talking to didn’t know where to look, he was just smiling, nodding and trying to eat his dinner in peace, then, next of all, van Buuren stands up on the chair and gives a full blown rendition of Ducksauce Barbra Streisand. I haven’t seen something as cringy since Tiësto’s Grammy acceptance speech.”
Reports suggest that van Buuren spent the remainder of the evening drunkenly trying to convince a group of young girls that he was Martin Garrix’s older brother, before eventually passing out on a Central Park bench while clutching a bottle of malt liquor hidden in a brown paper bag.